Not always an easy ride – Autism.

Autism is…

 

Autism is

Not knowing

What to do

What to think

What to say

What to be!

 

Why can I not

Just be me?

 

Why can’t I just

Dream the day away?

 

NO!

 

Must be normal

And live their way.

 

Have to sit

And think

And learn

And behave

Be normal okay!

 

A broken routine is fine

That’s what I’ve been taught.

 

I have to be social

And change my way of thought.

 

I have to get the joke,

Cope with the noise,

Look you in the eye,

And chat about boys.

 

So I won’t be me

Cut me in half with a knife.

 

I have to fit in

So this is my life.

 

Some days are perfect and some days this is how I feel. Even when I’m living / doing something I love.

I enjoyed Panama, don’t get me wrong; but it was hard.

**************************************************

Yes, I have been told I’m doing this amazing thing, going traveling, something so brave; especially for a person like me. But it is also incredibly difficult and stressful, and these hardships are only enhanced by having Aspergers. The wonder of it all may be enhanced too, but it is sometimes hard to see, when everything else is mounting up.

Having autism, I kind of feel as if I am in a bubble or behind a glass wall, unable to reach the real world. In Panama, not being able to speak the language exacerbated it.

We had trouble getting answers back from workaways and not the best of times while we were there.

It was noisy and new and crowded. Squeezed onto overcrowded mini buses and people yelling and selling things. This is life in Panama, and I assume most Latin American countries. Seeing ‘real life’ and not the touristy side to these countries, made traveling there so much better and more authentic. We got the real feel of places, but at the same time it can be so overwhelming and difficult to cope with.

Our time in El Valle was not desperately pleasant. I am only one person, and many other people have had a great time at this place – the reviews said so – that’s why we applied. We just didn’t get that experience.

The thing is, that the world and how I react to it, and how it reacts to me, is different and sometimes harder than others realise and I expect it to be.

Just got to try to fit in, as life doesn’t try to fit with me.

That’s how it feels anyway.

***************************************************

I will try and post our time in El Valley tomorrow.

 

 

3 thoughts on “Not always an easy ride – Autism.

  1. Liv, did you write the poem? You should try and publish, it’s very powerful. This whole blog is so open and honest – and helpful in helping me see your world. Do you find it helpful to write it, or do you consider it a way of informing your readers what you are doing and how your travels are affecting you? Whatever the reason please keep on recording your progress and having the very best time you can! Suzie xx

    Like

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